You know how some people have sixth senses? Or have you at least heard of them? Well i honestly believe i have one. For example i get vibes from people. Like say if i were to walk up to someone new and meet them, I would either feel perfectly fine or feel slightly off. It’s all depending on the person. A better example would be this guy Jace that lives out here. My friend matt is one of his best friends. When i first met him i knew something was wrong. I could just tell (sense) that he was a bad person. A fake, self-centered person. Turned out that when matt left for the airforce Jace decided he didn’t want to write him and refused to. But as soon as matt came back he acted like nothing had ever happend. Even just the other day. This girl named Janie told Jace’s Girlfriend/Fiance that he was fooling around with other girls. Well Jace found out and started bitching Janie out and calling her awful names and telling her to mind her own business. I knew all along that’s the kind of guy he was, just off a feeling. The sad part is i feel this way a lot around the people out here. And incidentally a lot of these people have stabbed me in my back going against my better judgement. And honestly most people give out this kind of energy now-a-days. Hateful, sneaky, fake, self-centered, malicious people are crawling all over the Earth. And it’s getting worse everyday because we’re just teaching the younger generations it’s okay to be that way. That it’s the only way you’ll progress in the world when that’s the way we’ve made it.
Screw being friends with girls. They’re all just stupid bitches who will get close to you and then rip your friendship apart when you have nothing left to offer them. All girls care about are themselves and boys. So where do other girls fit in as friends? Not very well. Screw being friends with boys to. Mostly all they want from you is to get in your pants. This is why society is so fucked up. People all have alterior motives and care only for themselves.
Where i’m really sad and angry and my mind is just racing and hitting dead ends.
I hate boys. I hate my parents. I love you. I miss you. I should get out of this house. I have nowhere to go. I should take a walk. My legs won’t take me very far. I wish I wasn’t me. I’ve been blessed by so much. It’ll only hurt a little while… Will this aching in my chest ever end? I should get out and do something. I’m scared of everthing reminding me of home. I should eat something. I’m not hungry. I should wake up. I have nothing to wake up for.
I’m currently watching Eat, Pray, Love at 2:35 in the morning. And it’s the part where Julia Roberts is living in Italy and it just makes me long to go to Italy. It’s such a romantic place filled with sexy men and good food. What woman wouldn’t want to go? If i get the chance i intend to study abroad in Italy for a year. If i don’t get that chance i’m taking a trip there. This is honeslty one of me biggest dreams.
How even Tumblr means more to me than it did before i left. Now whenever i get on all i can picture is Brandon checking Tumblr on his phone and liking the silly Me Gusta pictures. Or humming little melodies that make me laugh. Even movies are hard to watch now because all i can think about is how he could be here watching it with me. Or we could be together back in the apartment attempting to watch it and ending up too immersed in ourselves to focus. It was hard to even take a shower yesterday. I’m a silly creature aren’t i? But i guess no one would understand unless they felt as strongly as i do. How the memories seep their way into my head and fill me with love and longing to be near him again. It shocks me how every year i feel more drawn to him. I’m greatly looking forward to the future i see forming. One with us together and working to make each other better people. I like that i can make plans for visits and that my family is glad to know about him. It’s weird talking to them about the situation and letting them know about him and how i feel but at least now they know. It’s somewhat nerve racking though. My family isn’t exactly…. well normal. We’re mean and cinical and stuck up. I’m worried but i know Brandon can hold his ground so hopefully things work out. I’m pretty excited to show him where i grew up. I’ve never even thought of bringing a guy home until now so it’s very important to me. I hope my family understands the importance too. I’m really excited for him to meet my grandpa. He’s a very intelligent grumpy man. But i have much admiration for him. He means so much to me and i’d like to let Brandon meet him. My aunt Lisa says he’s good with boyfriends too so we will see. I’m going to have to find a hobby. But for right now we’re going to get my little sister and take her to her last swimming lesson. Later Tumblr.